Shibboleth 2007

Sculptor Doris Salcedo has unveiled a hole at the Tate Modern – the latest installation in the art gallery’s Turbine Hall.

The work, entitled Shibboleth 2007, runs the full 167 metres of the cavernous hall on London’s South Bank.  It begins as a crack then widens and deepens as it snakes across the room.  Colombian artist Salcedo said the work symbolised racial hatred and division in society.

“I always try to relate my work to tragedy,” she said.
And I know that many of the rest of us will do the same.

In trying to comprehend this interesting piece, it is important to understand the title.  Shibboleth is Hebrew for ‘stream of water’ but it has come to describe an arbitrary test or custom that distinguishes one group from another.

For example, one group who understand why a crack and hole in the floor of the Tate Modern is art but a crack and hole in the street outside my house is ‘essential maintenance.’

And a second group who don’t understand it and have no intention of setting foot in the Tate Modern, especially now that there is an additional Health and Safety hazard to contend with.

Salcedo claims that the work took her over a year to make and apparently spent the past five weeks installing it in the Tate, but she refused to reveal how it was achieved.
“What is important is the meaning of the piece.  The making of it is not important,” she said, adding that the work was “bottomless…..as deep as humanity”.

I disagree there.  I think the making of it is very important.  What was the hole in originally and how do you pick up a hole that you have made, carry it somewhere else and ‘install’ it?
Also, if it is bottomless, surely there must be a corresponding hole in Australia, China or somewhere?
Perhaps that’s what she’s done, perhaps there’s an identical installation in the Sydney Museum of Modern Art and if you drop a fruit gum or a pencil into the hole in the Tate it pops out in Sydney and frightens the night watchman.

It needs testing.
Next time you’re passing the Tate pop in there and stuff something down their hole. I’d volunteer but my life has enough holes in it already.

 

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Strictly on a Journey – Review

Why is everybody on a ‘journey’?  In ‘Strictly Not Dancing’ it’s only the first night and everyone will improve, they are on a ‘journey’.  In ‘I’m a B List Celebrity Hype Me Up Here’ everybody’s behaving like spoilt children, but it’s ok, they are on a ‘journey’. 
No they are not, they’ve been on a journey to get there and most of them will make the return journey home, but the whole point of the programme is that they stay where they are. 

If you want to see somebody on a journey, watch Michael Palin; he’s always off somewhere or other at the licence payers’ expense.  Or that Bruce Parry in ‘Tribe’; he’ll travel half way around the world and live off a handful of tree stump.  Those are real journeys.

Anyway, thank goodness ‘Strictly etc’ is back, it’s so exciting watching all those celebrities dancing with the professional dancers.  Last night Techtonic and Labia were attempting a progressive dance including a Guapacha step whilst dressed as the characters from ‘Dr Zhivago’.  But once in the Sweetheart position Techtonic got a piece of Labia’s muff trapped in his teeth and during the struggle to free himself they tripped and went headfirst into the audience.  Luckily they fell onto the sweet trolley and two black forest gateau’s and a bowl of sherry trifle cushioned their landing.  The trolley shot across the dance floor, down the stairs and out through the emergency exit with Techtonic and Labia desperately clutching onto it. 

A witness from outside the Television centre stated; “They were lucky because the number 220 bus just missed running them down, but they were unlucky because their trolley got caught on the number 72 bus and they were dragged off in the direction of Fulham.”
“Do you think they’ll be back next week?” asked our reporter.
“I dunno mate, it can get pretty rough in Fulham and they were dressed like fairies and smothered in what looked like cream cake.  If the people don’t get them, their cats and dogs will.”

If they get back, now that’s what I call a journey.

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Strictly come thieving

 

Thieves have targeted the dressing room of the female stars of Strictly Come Dancing.  Dozens of necklaces, bracelets and earrings were taken in the daring raid.  “The haul must weigh about four or five kilos and have a street value of about three pounds fifty,” stated a police spokesman.  “God help us all if that lot hits the streets of Manchester!”

Also, taken was Strictly Star, Bruce Forsyth who climbed into the back of the thieves getaway car thinking it was his limo’ home.  Later that day the thieves agreed to make a four figure donation to Children in Need if the BBC took Sir Bruce back.

“Those poor crooks were literally a captive audience and after the first ten botched up music hall jokes Sir Bruce had them begging for his release,” said the spokesman, “it would have been particularly cruel to leave them suffering for another moment, so we agreed to fetch him back next Friday.”

 

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New Job for Mouriniho

Do you remember that little guy who used to stomp around his bunker waving his arms at his men?  You remember!  Tried to conquer Europe, had a bad relationship with the Russians?  No not Hitler!  Jose Mouriniho  – that’s the bloke, do you remember him?  He used to be manager of Chelsea, the football club, not the building society.

There was a meeting going on at the Council offices this morning.  A group of suits were discussing something serious; the Mayor was there and some of the council officers.  I stood and watched by the open window and was amazed to see that Mouriniho was one of them.  He’s not so short in real life, it must be because you usually see him standing in a dugout.
“What about Arsenal’s Adebayor and Portsmouth’s Mwaruwari, they’ve both scored hat-tricks and their costs are low at 8.5 and 5.9 million?” asked the Mayor.
“No, you’re talking Martin Jollocks,’ said a sharp dressed woman, ‘Torres is your man!”
“Sorry Margaret, but that’s complete nonsense, Torres never starts a game!” said Mouriniho. “You need Drogba or Rooney.”

My God!  They were plotting to overthrow Jason’s Fantasy Football Team.  It was obviously too much for them, an office junior with his name on the digital display board as top manager.  I could see Jason a few windows along, sitting at his desk working on some earwax with his biro, oblivious of the scheming in the meeting room.  On his screen was his team, Torres his central striker.  Things were getting heated in the meeting room.
“I can’t believe you were a manager, Mouriniho, I don’t understand half of what you say and the other half is incomprehensible!” shouted the Mayor.
“You believe what you want Mr Mayor, but I’m telling you Schevenko is not a good choice.”
I thought it was time to go.
As I got to the end of the street I could still hear them arguing.
“No, no, no,” sobbed Mouriniho, “not Schevenko, he costs so much and he does so little!”
Perhaps they could get him a job on the council as well, I thought.

                                                  

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Blocked

People with low incomes on Tyneside are being offered the chance to buy an affordable flat-pack home. The timber-framed BoKlok structures, costing up to £150,000 will be built near Gateshead International Stadium. They will be available only to those earning between £15,000 and £35,000, who are not already homeowners.

In a similar move, plastic block homes are being offered to residents of Leeds.  The blocks are lightweight and weatherproof and come in several bright colours.  Each block has two rows of raised circular pegs on top and corresponding holes on its underside.  This means that blocks can be snapped together easily and sideways movement will not pull them apart.  They are environmentally friendly because they do not require deep foundations, concrete or cement.

Leeds Environmental Group Organised Homes is the firm responsible.  We contacted them and a spokesman said,” They really are very easy to assemble, a child could do it.  We also sell other items such as garages, cars and ships.  There’s also the ‘Millennium Falcon’ and ‘The QEII’”

When asked how many of the LEGO blocks you would actually need to build a house, the spokesman said, “What a real house?  Are you raving mad? Please stop wasting my time, I’m putting the ‘phone down now.”                                                                       img_4081.jpg

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Friends – Review

I’ve just seen this great show on the TV.  It’s about six young, single, New York friends.  There are three girls and three boys and they all live together but they don’t have sex with each other, well not in the early days anyway.  The boys are called Chuckler, Boy and Russ.  The girls are called Moaner, Feeble and Jennifer Aniston.  Despite living in the most famous city in the richest, most powerful country in the history of the world they are always struggling to find fulfilment or even to be adults really. Chuckler constantly bangs on about his psychological problems although he has more opportunities than 95% of the rest of the world.  That’s really funny.  Boy is always sleeping around and manages to pick up any girl he likes even though he is emotionally immature and dumps them once he has had sex.  He must be loaded with STDs. It’s hilarious.  The third one hasn’t done much so far but I expect he’ll get better.Moaner used to be fat and happy but now she’s skinny and miserable.  She looks like that character from the film ‘Scream’, you know, the one in the black cape with the knife.  Feeble is always trying to be strange, as if spending all your time drinking coffee with the same five people wasn’t strange enough.  Jennifer has a rich family but has come to the city to show she can make it on her own, she proves this by living with the other five and having a long term on and off affair with Russ.  Cool!

The audience practically wet themselves when the cast walk on set so God knows what will happen if they ever tell any jokes.  I don’t think it will last more than one series and it is probably not good enough to be repeated so catch it quick.

AA++++ Good ebayer                                                 .hotblack_20070610_coffee.jpg

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