The Open Wound

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Entries Tagged as 'Hearsay and Gossip'

Commuting in the Shires

September 7th, 2010 · No Comments · Hearsay and Gossip

I wave goodbye to the cat, walk down Wine Alley, through Grasping Close, around the Council Offices and Waitinrows Supermarket, up the exhale-ators beyond Marks and Spendloads and into the Strain station. 
I can hear the other punters thoughts:
 
One day.
One day soon.
One day soon I’m just going to keep walking south.
One day soon I’m just [...]

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Foul

September 6th, 2010 · No Comments · Hearsay and Gossip, News Around

Ronaldo has been voted Football Player of the Year for the second time.
It’s probably because of those dazzling stepovers that confuse and torment opponents who just want to get on with the match.  I noticed that he tried a few of them during the game against Barcelona shortly before he missed that penalty.  Still, what’s impressive [...]

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Hidey Hole

September 5th, 2010 · No Comments · Hearsay and Gossip, Unlikely Reviews

Television program ‘A Place in the Sun’ has bright young English girl, Amanda Lamb, showing a middle-aged man around Fuerteventura.  No, it’s not an expose about an overseas escort service, it’s the latest chance to see a punter being dragged around some quickly thrown up, overpriced, Spanish holiday homes before politely declining the opportunity to [...]

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Our saviours

September 4th, 2010 · No Comments · Hearsay and Gossip, The Slug and Philosopher

“So Fruitella 521, what have you discovered on your tour of Planet Earth?”
“The earthlings are a confused bunch, Spangle 10, they live short and fearful lives and have little understanding of the Universe around them.”
 
“How do so many live on one small planet, Fruitella 521?”
“Ten percent live very well and grow fat on ninety-percent of [...]

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Is anybody there?

September 3rd, 2010 · No Comments · Hearsay and Gossip, News Around

Madam Ovary is giving a psychic reading to a middle aged, grey man who is clutching a brief case to his chest and balancing a bowler hat on his lap.
“The mist is clearing from my mind, my spirit medium is here, in this room with us.”
“I don’t see him.”
 
“Obviously not, he’s dead and I’m a [...]

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Can you tell me the way to the rail station?

September 2nd, 2010 · No Comments · Hearsay and Gossip

Uh-oh, the German GCSE Oral Exams are upon us!
Nervous teenagers muttering to themselves in guttural tones stalk our homes and streets.
I would like a double room with bath, please.
Can you tell me the way to Poland?
Is that a frankfurter in your pocket, or are you pleased to see me?
But don’t panic there’s plenty of advice [...]

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