Canned meat

Cattle rustlers in South Africa’s eastern KwaZulu-Natal province have been trying to outwit police by transporting the animals in small cars.

Police chased one overloaded Fiat Uno into the night, after receiving a tip-off at around 0300. The driver abandoned the car after he realised he was being followed and ran off into the bushes.

All the seats except the driver’s had been taken out and two cows and two goats loaded in their place.  The authorities say that in another instance the rustlers managed to cram two cows and seven goats into a Toyota Tazz before being pulled over.

A spokesman from Toyota said, “The recommended load for the Tazz is one adult, two cows and four goats. In factory tests we found that the addition of further goats tended to put too much pressure on the in-car environmental systems.”

“He’s correct,” said a cow, “those goats stink and the air conditioning was struggling to cope. Furthermore, without seats we had nowhere to hang our in-car DVD players.”

“Once the rozzers were on our tail it was a bit like ‘The Dukes of Hazard’,” said a bruised goat, “with no seats there were obviously no seatbelts so we would have been bouncing off the walls if we weren’t wedged in so tight. “

Police said they hoped these animals would be given a trauma debriefing – but did not elaborate on what that would entail.“Don’t think two nights at Champneys Health Farm is going to stop me calling my lawyer!” said the goat.


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