Category Archives: News Around
Bottle
The world of entertainment was bored to hear that David Beckham has bought his wife a vineyard and bottles of Chateau Posh will soon be gracing the Beckham’s table. “I fink yool be amused by the impertinence of this … Continue reading
Premier
Vets in South Molton, Devon, have started a new fantasy football league for cows. The competing herds win points for productivity, fertility and good health. Each herd is named after a football team so that the farmers can check their … Continue reading
Sped off
An unwitting passenger arriving at Japan’s Narita airport has received 142g of cannabis after a customs test went awry, officials say. A customs officer hid a package of the banned narcotic in a side pocket of a randomly chosen suitcase … Continue reading
escAped
A 29-year-old male orangutan named Bruno escaped from his enclosure at Los Angeles Zoo on Saturday evening after making a hole in the wire fencing. Bruno roamed free before eventually returning and handing himself in. “We were worried for a … Continue reading
Detached
The downturn in house sales is beginning to bite in the sleepy Shires of middle England. The Open Wound sent ace reporter, Timothy Flaps, to find out how our noble estate agents are coping with the crisis. He interviewed Chris … Continue reading
Personal power
Lingerie maker Triumph International Japan Ltd unveiled its environmentally friendly, “Solar Power Bra” on Wednesday. The bra’s solar panel requires light to generate electricity that can then be used for any appliances the wearer is carrying, such as a mobile … Continue reading