The downturn in house sales is beginning to bite in the sleepy Shires of middle England.
The Open Wound sent ace reporter, Timothy Flaps, to find out how our noble estate agents are coping with the crisis. He interviewed Chris Peduck, chief liar for a national estate agency.
“Chris, I see you’ve got plush, modern offices with deep and expensive seating.”
“Yeah, we have. What’s it to you, Flaps?”
“I just wondered if we could go and sit down instead of me standing in the gutter and you sitting in your car?”
“No we can’t, that’s for clients only. Hurry up now, I’m a busy man.”
“But not as busy as you were, right?”
“I admit business is not what it was but not everybody is suffering, you know. We had a guy the other day pick up a million pound mansion at a knock down price. The owners were desperate to sell and he got in before anybody else.”
“I’d like to interview him!”
“You are interviewing him.”
“I understand you had to let some staff go, what negative and positive effects has that had on you, Chris?”
“There’s nobody to make my bloody coffee but there’s more room in the car park. Now get out the way, I don’t want to scratch the Roller on your cheap clothing.”
So there we are, brave businessmen like Chris Peduck are still out there buying Gin, eating Tapas and chatting up that girl from Lloyds Superdrug. Even if means putting three photos of your house in their window instead of two, they’ll make that extra effort, only thinking of themselves.