OMG! Why does every show on TV have to be a bloody competition?
The airwaves are alive with rosy cheeked, bright eyed punters jumping through hoops for the TV companies like starving Labrador puppies trying to get the attention of a heartless owner.
They compete to bake cakes, knit curtains, renovate bedrooms and cut hair.
They want to survive in the boardroom, in the jungle, in the House and on the island.
Why can’t they just show us how to bake a quiche or grow a carrot? Why do we have to watch them scramble their way over seven other aspiring flan bakers and allotment tenders?
Why do we have to see them crush the opposition and stand triumphant in front of the capricious judges, shaking a victorious fist at the camera?
Yeah, okay mate, that’s very nice, but it’s only a bloody loaf of bread. I can get a better one from Marks & Spencers any day and their baker doesn’t come running out sobbing and waving his apron around like he’s beaten Usain Bolt at the Olympics.
And there’s something else .. I’m going to tell you what it is…hang on..hang on a bit longer… ok..
Why do we have to have the long dramatic pause before the host of the show tells us who has won?
“And the winner is….”
the clock ticks…the contestants dart nervous glances at each other…the host re-examines his prompt card..the clock ticks some more..the host looks around the group of sweaty contestants..
For God’s sake just tell us who won the bloody thing!
Against my better judgement I put the awful show on and then I got sort of wedged in the armchair.
Please offer me the dignity of not dragging it out any longer… WHO HAD THE STRAIGHTEST CARROT?.. I MUST KNOW!!!