Stitched up

‘Ok Doctor Albee, before we start operating on this guy we need to run through the checklist.’
‘What checklist is that, Doctor Beulah?’

‘The Surgical Safety Checklist, of course!  Weren’t you listening at the W H O lecture?’
‘To be honest Beulah, I was chilling to some tunes on my iPod, those world health guys are so boring.’

‘You should’ve been paying attention – six questions that could save  half a million lives a year lost during surgery.’
‘Most of ‘em in this place I reckon.’

‘Question number one: “Do you know the name and job of everyone on the team?”’
‘It’s just us two Beulah. I serve ‘em up and you carve.’

‘Two: “Has the anesthetic machine been checked?”’
‘Yep, it’s still over there beside the George Foreman grill.’

‘Three: “Are the patient’s oxygen levels being monitored?”’
‘Well as long as we’re breathing ok i guess he is.  We’re all in the same room and we’re working hard whilst he’s just lying there.’

‘Four: “Are you operating on the right patient?”’
‘He’s definitely one of the right patients. He was first in today’s queue.’

‘Five: “Are you performing the right operation?”’
‘We’re performing all the right operations, not necessarily in the right order.’

‘And the last one, number six: “Have you removed all instruments from the patient’s body?”’
‘He was holding a trombone when I wheeled him in, but I’m not too sure where that’s got to.’

‘Ok Doctor Albee we’re done, pass my pen and I’ll tick all the boxes.’
‘I can’t see your pen Beulah. It was here with your phone, just before I sewed him back up, but they’re both gone now. Strange.’

‘Where’s that ringing sound coming from?’


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