Zero news

The ‘Slug and Philosopher’ was pretty peaceful last evening. Ted was reading the pub’s copy of ‘The Sun’ and Wayne was tossing darts at the bull’s-eye of the battered practise board.
“What’s this new band ‘DZero’ like then?” Ted asked.
“I’ve never heard of them,” I confessed. “What’s the story?”

“That’s not a band you idiots, that’s an experiment,” snorted Wayne.
“Yeah – an experimental American metal band that really matters,” said Ted.

“No Ted,” said Wayne leaving his darts in the board and joining us with his pint, “No, Dzero is a set of Physics experiments in America designed to examine matter.”
He waved a dart at Ted’s paper.  “If you’re going to be one of the morons that read this horrible rag, at least try and get the facts right!”

“What sort of experiments?” Ted asked from behind his pint of Mackeson’s.
“Lots of experiments,” said Wayne, “Like trying to solve the hierarchy problem.”

“What… the problem of whether we should have a royal family or not?”
“No, the problem of why gravity is so weak compared to other physical forces.”

Ted and I sipped on our beer and made faces as if we knew what Wayne was on about.  Something we’ve been doing for many years now. But he didn’t care, he was getting into his flow.

“Gravity is one of the weakest physical forces in the universe and over ten years ago Randall n’ Sundrum proposed that a so far undetected spatial dimension was weakening the force of gravity, but so far scientists haven’t told us what that is.”

“Go on Wayne, tell us what it is,” I encouraged him.
He looked at me suspiciously to see if I was taking the piss.
“It’s obvious to me that the undetected dimension is actually the huge weight of dark matter that represents our unrealised events, both past and present. It appears as negative gravity but scientists will have to study the object in our solar system which has the largest gravity to get their proof.”

He took a long pull on his lager, wiped the froth from his top lip and thumped his glass down on the table in a rather triumphant manner.
“We’re gonna have to look in the sun for the answer.”

“Well you’re not looking in my copy,” said Ted, clutching his paper to his chest, “Only us moron’s are going to know the answer!”


This entry was posted in The Slug and Philosopher. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *