Cruising for a bruising

Lancashire man, Mick Tempest, got a surprise when he woke up to find that somebody had stolen the York Stone garden path from his allotment. ‘When I opened the bedroom curtains and looked out I couldn’t believe my eyes,’ he told the Burnley Express.
In a similar incident retired Enfield man, Ed Aphon woke to find his entire garden had been stolen and replaced by a large mass of water. Charging out of his bedroom he fell down three flights of red carpeted, gold bannistered and unexpected stairs before coming to rest in a Pan-Pacific ‘Eat-all-you-like’ Buffet.

“It was only as I hurtled past the P&O foreign exchange desk on deck two that I remembered that I wasn’t in my north London council bungalow but actually on a two week Mediterranean cruise,” said Ed.

“Mr Aphon sustained very few injuries from his fall down the stairwell of the cruise ship due to the lavish and plush fixtures and fittings,” said a P&O spokesman. “His main injuries were caused because he fell face first onto the sea food grill and a lobster claw penetrated his pyjamas trouser front.”

“My doctor warned me against rich seafood, luckily it was only my pride that was injured,” said Ed, examining his groin.
“I wouldn’t be proud of that,” scowled Mrs Aphon.


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