“Hello sir, do you have your own bag?”

“I have a very nice Henk suitcase at home for my holidays young lady but I don’t bring it into Marks and Spencers with me.  Why do you ask?”

“I mean a bag to put your shopping in.”

“You couldn’t put shopping in a Henk young lady; just give me the normal M and S plastic bag.”


“Would it be alright if I charged you 5p to help the environment, sir?”

“No.  How the hell would that ever work?”


“We’re charging 5p for plastic bags to discourage customers from using them.”

 “I’ll tell you what, you stop over-packaging your products in plastic, turn off some of these display lights and set the escalators so that they only run on demand, and I’ll pay you 5p for a bloody plastic bag.  How about that?”

“I’ll have to ask my supervisor.”

“No don’t worry, I’ll pay the fee.”


“Would you like help packing your shopping?”

“No, thank you.  I only have three items to pack.  The day I need help with that, is the day I’ll need help urinating.  Do you assist people to urinate?”

“I’ll have to ask my supervisor.  Can you hold on a minute,sir?”

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