The number of complaints about homophobia within the police has risen by almost a quarter, according to the Gay Police Association (GPA).
The GPA said it was aware of colleagues refusing to serve with gay officers and quoting sections of the Bible at them on parade grounds.
Our reporter hurried to the GPA Headquarters in Dublin.
“You’re the GPA spokesman, tell me why your members are feeling victimized.”
“Uh.. I don’t think they are.”
“They don’t feel that they are being singled out for being gay?”
“No, I think they’re proud that in a cynical world they can go about their business in a carefree and happy manner.”
“Go about their business?”
“Yes, there’s nothing finer than watching thirty strapping young men engaged in an activity they have a mutual love for. The slap of a hand on a ball. The thrill of slotting one between the posts.”
“Slotting one between the posts?”
“Yes, the thought of it brings a tear to my eye.”
“Pride in the game is the reason I joined the Gaelic Players Association.”
“Gay Lick Player?”
“Yes, you idiot, Gaelic Football! What did you think I was talking about, and who do you think I am?”
“I thought you were a homosexual, English policeman.”
Unfortunately, our roving reporter will be out of action for several weeks whilst he recovers from his injuries.