A man in Missouri has been arrested for possession of a hallucinogenic toad. Police in Kansas City say David Theiss planned to get high by licking the Colorado River Toad’s venom glands.
The FAT (Frog and Toad) Police Squad swooped on Mr Theiss as he was wining and dining the toad in a local French restaurant.
“You can’t just grab a toad and start licking it,” said an expert, “they need to be romanced and seduced, just like a woman. A small, tubby green woman.”
A member of the FAT Squad said, “We got there just in time, Mr Theiss and the toad had already consumed a bottle of Jacob’s Creek and were just getting stuck into the Mud Pie dessert. A few more minutes and that poor Toad would’ve taken a licking.”
“Hey, Mr Theiss is a nice guy, he doesn’t talk down to me,” said the Toad. “The meal was excellent and we were having a great time, I wouldn’t have minded putting out, or secreting venom as us girls prefer to call it.”