Author Archives: Dr Pete

Mooody Cows

A Swedish university has received £300,000 in research funds to discover how much greenhouse gas is released when cows belch. About 20 cows will participate in the project run by the Swedish University for Agricultural Sciences.   Project leader Jan Bertilsson … Continue reading

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War of Independence

The town’s traffic warden, ex-marine Drill Sergeant Hartman, has been on patrol again.  When I saw him yesterday, he was in discussion with Mrs. Ballvalve-Smythe, and he had a hand on her Mobility Scooter. “‘S’cuse me ma’m but you don’t … Continue reading

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Breast study

A new piece of research could spare women from pain from their bras while exercising. Deranged scientists have been studying women and their associated breasts. Two women volunteers, one wearing a 36D bra and the other a 38DD, were instructed to … Continue reading

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Horse trading

The Food Standards Authority has found that beef burgers sold by Tesco, Lidl, Aldi and others contain up to 29% horsemeat. “That’s a huge surprise for us,” stated a Lidl spokesman, “we thought our burgers were 90% sawdust and newspaper.” … Continue reading

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Eating on the job

The ‘hero’ pilot of the Boeing 777 that crashed at Heathrow airport celebrated the safe landing with a curry, it emerged today. Well that would explain why he crashed then, he probably caught his sleeve on one of those levers … Continue reading

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Low rider

A New Zealander caught riding a lawn mower while drunk will have to appear in court. Richard Gunn took to getting around town on the mower – top speed 5mph – after he lost his driving licence. But the 52-year-old … Continue reading

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