Life Coach

The Speakmans are two of about 700 registered life coaches practising in Britain today.  

They also happen to be a wild and eccentric couple who live in a vast 13th Century mansion in Rochdale.


Their clients, who include footballers and famous faces, swear by the couple’s unconventional therapy methods such as throwing buckets of mud at their Grade II listed walls or using a famous time machine to take their clients to the future.


We sent a reporter to find out more.


“Yeah,” said a famous face, “throwing buckets of mud at those Grade II listed walls helped cure my phobias.”

“What did you fear?”

“Walls mostly.  Also mud.”


“And what do you think makes the Speakmans so wild and eccentric?”
“Well, they both have blonde highlights in their hair and they dance around a lot and wave their arms.”

“Anything else?”

“They don’t wear shoes indoors.”

“Pretty wild then?”



Our reporter found another celebrity sitting in the 13th Century garden.


“Hello, famous face, why are you crying?  Did the life coaches break down your mental barriers thereby releasing a torrent of suppressed grief?”


“No, I’m crying because I’ve just seen their bloody invoice.” 


Next week: 
The Speakmans meet famous face “Charles” who leads an unfulfilled life dominated by his mother “Queenie” and his wife “Horsey”.  Charles discovers that it’s pretty wild and eccentric to smoke cannabis rather than talk to it.


Life saver

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