A survey of sex therapists concluded the optimal amount of time for sexual intercourse was 3 to 13 minutes. Dr. Irwin Goldstein, editor of the Journal of Sexual Medicine, cited a four-week study of 1,500 couples in 2005 that found the median time for sexual intercourse was 7.3 minutes. (Women in the study were armed with stopwatches.)
“Hold on a minute love, I’ve got to start the watch. OK? Ready, go!”
“Oooh crap! I’ve got my leg trapped in the sheet, I’m going to have to stop. Quick, quick stop the watch!”
“But you’ve only been going 23.5 seconds!”
“I don’t care, I’ve got bloody cramp now.”
“Well how can I enter 23.5 seconds as a result?”
“You can’t enter it as a result. We’ll have to start again and add the two times together.”
“But that’s not fair, you’ve had a rest!”
“A rest! You call agonising leg cramp ‘a rest’? Besides, who’s going to bloody know!”
“If you’re going to cheat, we may as well not bother at all!”
“I knew it would end like this; why can’t you do anything without a fuss?”
“It’s you that’s got the cramp!”
“Look, let’s not bother. You enter 7.3 minutes as our result and we can both get some sleep.”
“Suits me!”
“Stupid sex journal therapists.”
