In space no one can hear you scream

 Disruption at Heathrow’s new £4.3bn Terminal 5 is continuing for a fifth day, with 54 flights grounded and a backlog of 15,000 bags.

A spokesman stated that the reason for the backlog was ‘technical’ and he was not authorised to discuss it.  However, our roving reporter, Tim Flaps, found one baggage handler who was willing to be interviewed, although his voice is disguised here to protect him.

“Yeah, well, the reason for the chaos is that we have less baggage handlers now,” said Brian Wilson, a baggage handler who did not wish to be named. 
“Is that because the new technology means less workers are needed?” 

“No, it’s because they’ve started to disappear.”
“They haven’t been turning up for their shift because they don’t like the new technology?”

“No Mister Flaps, they’ve been clocking on ok.  They just disappear.”
“Where are they going then?”

“Through holes in the baggage tunnels walls like this hole here.  Look I’ll just move the Poker table and the beer barrels to give you a better view.”   
“That’s a large hole, Brian.”

“Yeah, that’s what we in the business call a ‘man-size’ hole, and it’s cut through two inches of steel!”

“What’s that gooey goo around the edges, where the metals melting?”
“It appears to be some form of organic acid, mate.”

“And what’s that stuff on the floor, like snake-skin?”
“That’ll be discarded carapace, we find that in all the baggage tunnels.”

“That’s very interesting, I think I’ll just pop my head in for a closer look.”
“I wouldn’t do that if I was you, Mr Flaps.”

“Mr Flaps?  Mr Flaps, are you there?”


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