Losing it

 Heather Mills poured a jug of water over the head of Sir Paul McCartney’s lawyer Fiona Shackleton at the end of their divorce case, she has admitted.

Ms Mills told the BBC she approached Ms Shackleton and said: “I’m not a loser.”  She then “poured the whole jug of water on her head”, she said.

In similar copy-cat incidents up and down the country various lawyers and court officials were soaked, sprayed and sodden with milk, jam, oil and mud as angry losers took petty revenge with no fear of reprisal. 

“I think Ms Mills has set a legal precedent there,” said Magistrate Stoat from Blackburn Court House, drying a pint of cream from his hair following a speeding prosecution against Milkman Ben Williams.

“I’m anxious about the outcome of my next case; the Crown versus Althorp’s Sewage Disposal.  I won’t leave the MG in the car-park with the soft-top down that day.”


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