It’s time for yet another episode of ‘Egg Heads’ and Diemad Murderman rubs some sleep from his eyes, straightens his tie and introduces the teams.
“‘These five people are amongst the greatest quiz players in Britain. Together they make up the Eggheads, arguably the most formidable quiz team in the country. The question is: can they be beaten?”
Kevin, CJ, Judith, Chris and Daphne pout and simper smugly.
“And this week we have an unusual team of challengers, well more unusual than usual – The Clones!”
The camera swings around to show that The Clones are an identical set of Eggheads, the same pouts, the same hairstyles and the same British Home Stores cardigans.
“These five people are amongst the greatest quiz players in Britain. Together they make up The Clones, arguably the most formidable quiz team in the country. The question is: can they beat the Egg Heads?” says Diemand professionally, but he’s looking a trifle confused.
“At ten o’clock this morning the BBC Program Cloning Unit, which is responsible for programs such as EastEnders, ran our EggHeads team through their cloning machine and out of the other end popped our Clones!”
Diemad blanks for a moment as he notices that Egghead Chris and Clone Chris are both picking their noses in exactly the same way, at exactly the same time.
“Ok, for our first questions, both sides have put forward Kevin to answer Science. Clone Kevin, do you mind if I call you ‘Kev’?”
“Yes, Diemad, I do mind.”
“And what about you Egghead Kevin?”
“Yes, Diemad, I also mind.”
“Okay, Clone Kev, what Charter explicitly forbids reproductive human cloning in Europe?”
Kev looks at his multiple choice answers and chooses.
“That would be the Charter of Fundamental Rights of the European Union, Diemad.”
“Correct. EggHead Kev, which European Charter has no legal standing and can be ignored with impunity?”
“That would be the Charter of Fundamental Rights of the European Union, Diemad.”
“Also correct, well done to the two Kevs.”
And so it goes on, like an unmixed doubles tennis match where the players consistently win on their own serve. Until the final, final tie break question at the end of the program. Diemad is exhausted, his tie is crooked and a film of sweat covers his forehead.
“EggHead Judith, after which singer was Dolly the Sheep named?”
“I .. I don’t know!” gasps EggHead Judith.
“Clone Judith, do you know the answer?”
“Yes, yes, it’s Dolly Parton!” Clone Judith shouts triumphantly.
“That’s correct and that means that the Clones beat the Eggheads!” Diemad puts his unused pen away and collects his blank papers together.
“Tell me Clone Judith, did you know that answer because since when you were cloned at ten o’clock you have acquired a different knowledge set to EggHead Judith, or is it that a slightly different environment has meant that the two of you have different brain synapse paths now?”
“No, Diemad, because the EggHeads answered first Clone Chris had time to cheat and pass me the answer.”