Smells like Xmas spirit

For Robert Schoff, this Christmas stank.

That’s because the 77-year-old spent a large part of his Christmas Eve stuck upside down in the opening of his septic tank.  Schoff, of Des Moines, Iowa, reached into the tank Monday in an effort to find a clog, but he lost his balance and got wedged into the opening.

‘Once the sensors inside my nose became seared and useless things weren’t so bad,’ said Schoff. ‘I once worked in a fast food restaurant so I have experienced similar smells before.  Also, I knew my wife would be watching ‘American Idol’ and it couldn’t be worse than sitting through that.’

‘I just saw his little legs waving,’ said his wife, Toni, ‘and as soon as I had finished hoovering the carpet and fed the cat I rushed to get him help.’

‘Unfortunately, the odour has permeated into his skin,’ she continued from behind the locked door of the Schoff’s suburban home, ‘the budgie fainted when Bob first came home from the hospital and we haven’t seen the cat since.  I daren’t let him back in the house in case he bleaches the wall paper.’

‘Despite everything, it’s still better than last Christmas when her mother came to stay,’ smiled Schoff.

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